The Gift That Keeps on Giving

Can you guess what it is? I bet you can't. Here's a hint: it's not reading.

OK, I can't hold it in anymore. It's this:

9780062219046_p0_v6_s260x420

Do you know what this is? It's One Direction's new book! It was sent to my blog's PO box, giving me the ultimate parental power: the thing that would make my teenager recoil in screaming horror. Remember my maybe not totally nice theory that teenagers are where the idea of vampires came from? Well let's just say having this book in my office was like having raw garlic and the cross in one.

"Look, honey, it's a book for the blog!"

Teenager approaches, happy and smiling. Then—shazaam!

9780062219046_p0_v6_s260x420

She runs screaming into the night.

The only sad thing? I let the 12-year-old take it to school to perform the same…exorcism? Powerful ritual?…on a friend who has the same aversion. Chestnut, however, put more thought and energy into it and gift-wrapped the thing in pretty paper. The poor unsuspecting dupe opened it, shrieked, and tossed it into the cafeteria. But don't worry; once the screaming was over, they picked it up, and, if we're to believe Chestnut, "Gave it to this kid who really likes One Direction."

But we all know it will find its way to another victim.

And I? I willingly gave my power away. Yes, I miss it—power's intoxicating like that. But it's good to know it's making its way around the world. Be on the lookout for strange packages. They may be more powerful than you ever anticipated.

 

UPDATE: ANOTHER COPY OF THIS BOOK WAS DELIVERED TO MY PO BOX TODAY!!! Strange forces are clearly at work. I…I don't know what's happening or why, but if I start using lip gloss, send help.

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